| HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO ME BITCHES! |
[21 Jun 2004|12:46am] |
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thats right mother fuckers! its my fucking birthday. well it was. not anymore. where are my 24 fuckin blow jobs????
it took me for fuckin EVER to get into this piece of shit. forgot the damn password. hahahaha.
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[14 Apr 2004|06:41pm] |
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fuck i dont even know what to say or where to begin right now. so much fuckin shit has happened i cant even remember it all! first watchin joel fuckin OWN benj on the couch that one night and fuckin benji almost givin joel a fuckin HANDJOB! ive never been so fuckin hard in my whole fuckin life! then on saturday at the party for buddy................i cant even tell you how fuckin HARD that party ROCKED! i gotta make out with benji!!!! and benj and joel were all fuckin OVER each other most of the night cuz people kept darin them to do shit with each other. it was so fuckin funny though when benj and joel did their first beer bongs. those guys are way too sheltered. i love when their fucked up. they are so fucking hilarious and touchy feely i love it. then well yeah matt FUCKED joel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 the only way that couldve possibly gotten hotter is if benj was in the middle of that. ;) next time. hehe.
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| fuck this shit right now im checking out |
[30 Mar 2004|01:13am] |
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that nerd song ft. Blow Job |
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HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how long has it been since ive written in this fucking thing??? i dont even remember! i dont even know what to start talking about because its been so fucking long. haha this song cracks me up. joels such a ghetto thug wannabe. he was so fucking excited that he gotta be on a "rap" cd. listen to him swear all badass! its fucking classic.
but yeah. things are good. benji and i are good, joel and i are good and matt and i are WAY more than good. hehe wink wink. it was kinda rocky and shit for a while but things have been going really good this past month or so or however long its been since i wrote. we actually didnt have sex until about a week ago. can you believe that shit?! ive never actually been able to wait that long for sex when i was "with" someone. but i did it this time and matt was proud. and yeah...it was a fucking hot night thats all im gonna say about that. waiting can be a good thing. now we're fuckign like wild animals, but yeah. its good. im starting to settle down believe it or not. im trying really hard with this and im going to make it work because im sick of being an ass.
i think matt and i might go down to cali and visit the boys in good charlotte sometime during their recording. just to give them shit ya know. i GOTTA do that. i havent seen those boys in a while anyway. i miss em. sniff. nah, weve talked on the phone and shit. benj called me today to tell me about their little "sexcapade" and hot damn i was jacking off while he was telling me. that was the hottest thing ive ever fucking heard. he went into FULL DETAIL about some of that shit and i was just oh man...it was intense. that boy needs to like write some of this shit downa and sell it or something. hed be a worldfamous porno writer or something because hes got good shit.
im rambling now. all you kids wanted me to update so i did. love me. see you little bastards later!
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[31 Dec 2003|05:44pm] |
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so joel wants to kill me huh...good to know...
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[28 Dec 2003|08:19pm] |
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well well well its been a strange couple of days. i dont even know where to start. with what happened between me and benji yeah ill admit that i wanted it. fuck who doesnt already know how bad i wanted benj but really i didnt want what is happening now to happen. i know i probably shouldve thought twice before doing stuff with him but i mean we were both drunk and i cant help how horny i get when i am. i mean we were both naked and he was looking so fucking HOT and i couldnt help but kiss him and all the other stuff that happened after that was totally not planned. since benji didnt really say what happened with us i'll tell everyone just so the story is set straight. im not out to be the jerk right now, believe it or not kiddies. i love benji and joel i really do and i honestly believe in their relationship as much as i make fun of it i do. ive read that a lot of you think joels being an asshole and i agree that maybe what hes been saying is a little extreme, dont call him an asshole. i wouldve probably done a lot more if i was him in this position. i think because the fact that it IS benji that did it, thats why hes acting so harshly. but yeah. this is what happened basically:
benj came and hung out with me and some other people because he said he had a fight with joel and was pissed off and just wanted to get away for a little bit and cool down. so i was like alright cool. we partied for a little bit whatever. i had a couple drinks and just noticed benji sitting there with a bored worried look on his face. i told him to just have a drink. only one. just to maybe try and loosen him up a bit. i didnt MAKE him. i dont want people to think i was trying to take advantage of him because i wasnt believe it or not. after a little bit of persuasion he finally agreed. he had a beer and seemed to relax a little. he ordered another one and i offered to buy the next and so on until we were both basically completely smashed. we ended back at his place though. joel wasnt home. and us being the retarded drunks we were decided that skinny dipping in the snow outside sounded like fun. so we both got naked and were gonna head outside and i looked at him. all of him. i swear hes got the most amazing body. benji already knows i have a thing for him so its not weird for him to hear it from me. but its true. i lust over my best friend...anyways i was looking at him and he was looking at me and i was slowly starting to get turned on by him standing naked right next to me. i made the first move ill admit that. i walked towards him and backed him up against the wall and kissed him. just a small kiss at first but of course with the drinks and just the fact that we were in a very sexual position lead that kiss to develop. a lot. pretty soon we were making out and groping each other all over the place. for a while i remember being on the floor. my hands around his cock and im pretty sure his hands were on mine by then. somehow we made it to his bed. i was headed for the room that i guess they shared but benj stopped me and pulled me into "his" room. we ended up on the bed still making out really heavily and touching all over the place. there was a little bit of handjob action going on. at one point i think i was on top of him sort of just grinding into him and i wanted to fuck him. i knew i was going to fuck him and i was so excited. i was drunk so i wasnt exactly thinking about the aftermath of my doing so. but i got up off benj for a minute to get the lube and when i got back he was passed out. now im not a jerk and i wasnt about to take advantage of benj when he was passed out. i was really pissed off though. i wanted to fuck him so bad and i almost got my chance. i was still horny as fuck though so i had to settle for jerking myself off while looking at benj. i came hard though. even though benj wasnt even touching me.
i dont know if this is going to make things better or worse. i dont know. i dont want benji and joel to not be together anymore. joel can go and blame me if he wants i already know he doesnt really like me. its just not all my fault. ill take the blame for benji but i just want everyone to know that i did NOT take advantage of him.
in all honesty not much happened. i think joel should forgive benji but thats just my opinion. i dont think joels an asshole for feeling how he does though. give the kid a break for a minute to sort out his feelings. maybe he was just overreacting, maybe not i guess we'll have to wait and find out.
ill do what i can to help those two out though. so joel if you want to blame this on me instead of benj go right ahead. ill take the blame for him. he doesnt deserve 100% of it. i dont want to see you guys not together. call me joel. we'll talk about this. maybe i can help you understand. benj was really upset before we started drinking. ...listen, just call me okay? maybe ill drop by matts...
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| oops i fucked him again... :D |
[01 Dec 2003|08:52pm] |
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i fucked matt again. all i have to say kids is:
incest is great ;) you should try it some time...
JUUUUUUUUST kidding. ...or am i?
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[27 Nov 2003|10:48am] |
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so...about me fucking matt...
i dont know what the fuck happened. one minute we're sitting next to each other on a couch in his apartment writing a song and the next thing i know i have him shoved up against the wall fucking his brains out. i dont know what came over either of us. it was some of the roughest lust driven sex ive ever had. and holy fucking shit was it good. ive never had such a good fuck in my entire life and im sure he hasnt either. the way i shoved into him making him scream out my name. the way his fingers dug into my back with a pain soooo good as i kept thrusting into his tight ass...god it was so fucking hot. right as i was getting close he pushed me off of him and threw me down on the bed across the room. he climed on top of me and started grinding his cock into mine creating a friction so fucking amazing i cant even find words to describe it. i took over again though, threw him on his back and plunged right into him without warning. his ass was so tight it almost fucking hurt. fucking hurt so good though. i dont think ive ever cum so fucking hard in my entire life.
after it was over we just layed there for a minute. not talking. it was kind of weird. then he just got out of the bed and grabbed his clothes and walked out of the room shutting the door. we havent talked about it since. i guess we're both pretending that it didnt happen...or something. i dont really know. i dont know if i can continue being around him all the time without wanting to fuck his brains out again. just the thought of him being my cousin is so goddamn kinky and hot that i cant control myself. what happened wasnt all me though. i didnt fucking rape him or anything. he fucking wanted it. just as bad as i did. matts kinkier than most of you probably think.
i dont know. all i do know is that i dont regret it and i wouldnt take it back. that was the best sex ive ever fucking had, and id do it all over again. and again and again and again.
just because we cant have a "relationship" doesnt mean we cant fuck...
oh yeah, happy thanksgiving.
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[25 Nov 2003|11:03pm] |
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i fucked matt last night.
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[23 Nov 2003|08:56pm] |
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fiddy cent |
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well what the fuck is up?????????
goddamn its been a fuckin long time. i forgot i had one of these things. bet you had allllll thought id died. no such luck folks. maybe next time. i dont really want to "reflect" on all the shit thats happened since i last updated. there was just too much and i cant remember shit. oh well. im sure what you all care about the most is what happened with me and matty. i guess to make a long story short, nothings going to happen with us. i still love matt. ill always love matt but i realize that he'll never forgive me enough for us to have a relationship. i guess thats understandable. we're still best friends and everything but we're just kinda forgetting about all that shit that happened between us. it almost fucked everything up and i dont want that to happen. i guess we're both just hoping that it was some sort of weird crazy fucked up kinky lust type of thing that made us feel that way...in some ways i know that its not, but i like to think thats what it is. it helps me to rest easier. it makes it easier for me to fuck other people. helps me to move on.
so yeah thats all people maybe i'll try and update more. maybe not! HA trick! damn i have a headache like a motherfucker.
"peace"
-cuz im motha fuckin t.o.n.y
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[19 Sep 2003|11:00am] |
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so i call matt prepared to tell him everything. to make a long story short. i told matt that im in love with him too...and he hung up on me. ive put so much thought into my feelings and i realized that i AM in love with him. i cant explain to anyone about how i came upon that decision but i know i love him. and when i told him he hung up on me and wont pick up his cell. i havent talked to him since. im such a fucking screwup. i give up.
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| goddamnit |
[10 Sep 2003|09:55pm] |
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the damn voices in my head |
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i cant take this anymore. i cant take having my own cousin probably the person thats the closest to me ignoring me. im letting my guard down now. im not putting up a front anymore. this is me right here. this isnt crude obnoxious vulgar jackass tony right now. i just want things to be fixed. i already know what a horrible person most people think i am. and i dont blame them in fact i agree. i usually dont like the person i am so i hide myself in my rude comments and actions but ive come to realize that only causes more difficulties. i can honestly say that i had no idea matt possessed those sort of feelings for me. must have been my own ignorance that blocked that out. ive never thought of a relationship like that with my cousin. i can however say that ive thought of him sexually, obviously. and i justified those sorts of feelings because hey, i know im a kinky guy and that was my excuse. but now i dont know. thinking of him in that sort of way is confusing to me. i dont know how i want to react to his feelings towards me although im sure theyve changed now to that of hatred. i have all these thoughts and feelings battling around in my head and i feel like its gonan expload soon or somethimng. i really need to talk to matt. please dude, let me talkt o you. give me a chance to explain myself, to apologize to you...please?
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[09 Sep 2003|07:55pm] |
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i didnt mean to fuck shit up with matt. i honestly didnt. i had no fucking idea he felt this way and if i had known i wouldnt have done it. i just figured he was being kinky or something. i dont wnat this to fuck up the relationship i have with my cousin. matt seriously dude will u just fuckin talk to me? youve been avoiding me since last night man we need to talk about this. im not trying to be a fuckin bastard. i dont love benji. i never have and i never will. i nkwo that he already has soemone in his life. i was just being a jackass about the whole fucking benji thing. im just so fucking sick of this loneliness i feel. i thought having an obsession with benj would make that go away for some dumbass reason. i really am a dumbass ill admit to that but im not an insensitive bastard although im sure most of you will diagree with me. especially matt.
just please dude, will u let me talk to you? im sick of trying to hunt you down only to have the door slammed in my face.
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| and tony does it again |
[08 Sep 2003|03:10pm] |
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i did it. im know many of you have just been waiting and wishing for it to happen and now it did. i fucked matt last night. i dont even know why i actually did it. im a kinky dude so i cant deny that i havent thought about him in a sexual way before but i never thought that i would act on that or that i would take it that far. sure, ive made out with matt before. but once again, we were both piss ass drunk. i think im more surprised that matt actually went through with it. i was high, not completely fucked up but just enough to help me not think so clearly. matt was completely sober. after that shit with benj i got high and i went out looking for matt. i found him and slammed him up against the wall and started making out with him. i dont think he even hesitated before he started kissing me back. i tried so hard to get benj out of my head. i thought fucking matt would help in some sick twisted fucked up way. but it didnt. i fucked matt hard. harder than i think ive ever fucked anyone before and he fucking loved it. i fucked him and pretended it was benji. i had to bite my tongue so many times to keep from shouting out his name while i was fucking my cousin. doesnt get any more fucked up than that does it. just wait. i couldnt fucking control myself anymore. matt was such a good fuck. so fucking tight. shit. i can only imagine benj is 10x better than matt. but i messed up. i screamed out benjis name as i came. matt was in his own orgasmic bliss so i dont know if he heard or not. he mightve. i dont know. after i was done coming and regained my composure i left. i left him and havent said a word to him since. havent even seen him. i guess if feel kinda bad. im confused. confused as to why he was so willing to fuck his cousin. he wasnt even fucked up. completely sober. god i just fucked this up even more. oh well guess im just doing what i do best. fuckin up everyones lives. including my own. watch out or tony might screw you over...literally it seems.
guess i should try and find matt. what a hell of an awkward convo this will be. maybe ill just fuck him again instead. who knows.
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| aheigbviueabtglieagak.negkjaek; |
[07 Sep 2003|07:06pm] |
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i dont even know |
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ok...its time to clear shit up. im not a fucking bad guy. and i know thats how everyone sees me. yeah i may be outspoken and crude at times. but its all in good fun and thats just the way i am. i make my own shit. but i know when to shut the fuck up. i know when to be serious. all that shit that happened with benj and joel was NOT something i was plotting about for my own sick pleasure. im not that kind of person. i was fucked up. blame it on the booze. and the only reason i called benj a pansy and shit was because i was a little pissed off. hes completely changed from how i used to know him not even that long ago and its just a little strange to whitness. hes my best friend. it just confused me a little. and benj was right, i AM jealous of their "relationship". there. i said it. i mean REALLY...everyone would have to be fucking BLIND if they didnt see that im fucking attracted to that man. i want to fuck benji madden, im not ashamed to admit that. i want to have a threesome with benj and joel...i mean COME ON! who wouldnt? but really i just wanted to clear things up and tell people im not a fuckin asshole. ok...im not a COMPLETE asshole...but yeah ive had enough with this mushy shit now. peace out kiddies.
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| hot ass shit!! |
[30 Aug 2003|05:06pm] |
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mood |
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high drunk and fuckin horny!!! |
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holy shit dudes!!!! you see benjis last entry...good fucking LORD! and then joels. fuck! i wanna fuckin hear this shit! god those twins get me so fuckin HOT! im so fuckin horny now just thinkin about all the shit they did. it better be fuckin good. none of that damn pansy ass love making shit they keep talkin about. i want some fucking ACTION! mmmmmmmmmm i need a blowjob.
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| many men wish death upon me |
[27 Aug 2003|10:18pm] |
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the used biotch! |
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the used fuckin OWNS! fuck yeah. berts a crazy mother fucka...just like me. that shit with benji and joel...that was fuckin insaaaaaaane! didnt mean for it to get that out of hand. just benji was all lyin about it. made me feel bad i mean i did give that boy a fuckin HOT blow job and hes pretendin it didnt happen. i mean shit dude, way to make a homie feel shitty. but thats aight im high as fuckin HELL and i got no worries!
im out like a boner in sweatpants
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| BEER! |
[26 Aug 2003|12:04am] |
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fuck yeah, that's nice...the feeling of ice cold beer flowing through my system. gone too long without that feeling. damn i missed it. got off my meds for a while. which meant: BEER!! and lots of it! im gonna get so fuckin wasted. its gonna be great. later bitches!
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| oooh right there baby! |
[24 Aug 2003|01:19am] |
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porn |
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i need some fucking beer! SOMEONE BRING ME SOME BEER! BEER AND WHORES!
god im so fucking horny. i gotta piss.
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| i fucking KNEW IT! |
[23 Aug 2003|05:40pm] |
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minor threat. in my eyes |
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so right now im stuck in fucking bed because of my stupid fucking back and im not allowed to drink any beer because im on these stupid fucking meds. im pissed as all hell. so i decided to check out what the fucking deal was with these things. i found lil billers journal and and read some pretty interesting shit. found the madden twins journals and read some REALLY interesting shit. I KNEW THEY WERE FUCKING! i just knew it. those two were too damn touchy feely for their own good. not that it bothered me. hell no. after reading all of their entries im so fucking horny. god id like to get in on a piece of that hot twin action. mmmm my dick is twitching just at the thought of it. well looks like im gonna have to go jerk it. see you little fuckers later.
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| sex |
[23 Aug 2003|05:27pm] |
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hey fuckers. i like beer i like beer i like beer.
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